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No. 284.* 




■ V 


THE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. 


(DRAMA.) 


WITH CAST OF CHARACTKRS, ENTRANCES, AND EXITS, RELATIVE POSITIONS OF 
THE PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, DESCRIPTION OF COSTUMES AND 
THE WHOLE OF THE STAGE BUSINESS, CAREFULLY 
MARKED FROM THE MOST APPROVED 
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¥ ALPHABETICAL LIST DF ^ 

iimes ; Edition of Flays. 

FIFTEEN CENTS EACII UNLESS OTHERWISE MARKED. 


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DRAMAS. 

2 A Desperate Game. 3 2 

164 After Ten Years. 7 5 

39 A Life’s Revenge. 7 5 

43 Arrah de Baugh.7 5 

100 Aurora Floyd. 7 2 

125 Auld RoBin Gray 25c.13 8 

89 Beauty of Lyons.11 2 

113 Bill Detrick... 7 3 

226 Brae, the Poor House Girl.... 4 4 

14 Brigands of Calabria. 6 1 

272 Beyond Pardon. 7 5 

160 Conn; or. Love’s Victory.11 3 

268 Clearing the Mists. 5 3 

161 Dora.. 5 2 

60 Driven to the Wall.10 3 

152 Driven from Home. 7 4 

173 East Lynne. 8 7 

143 Emigrant’s Daughter. 8 3 

176 Factory Girl. 6 3 

162 Fielding Manor.......... 9 6 

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207 Heroic Dutchman of ’76. 8 3 

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3 Lady of Lyons...,..'.12 5 

9 Lady Audley’s Secret. 6 4 

261 Lost in London.6 4 

46 Man and Wife.12 7 

227 Maud’s Peril. 5 3 

211 Midnight Mistake. 6 2 

251 Millie, the Quadroon.4 1 

163 Miriam’s Crime... 5 2 

91 Michael Erie. 8 3 

36 Miller of Derwent Water. 5 2 

34 Mistletoe Bough... 7 3 

229 Mountebanks (The). 6 2 

223 Old Honesty... 5 2 

>-81 Old Phil’s Birthday. 5 3 

«5 Outcast’s Wife.12 3 

83 OutBUhe World. 5 4 

196 Oath BoTildv-••••••. 6 2 

29 Painter of Gifffit.3 

18 Poacher’s Doom......•••.••••.® 3 

5 Phyllis, the Beggar GJik. (j 3 

10 Reverses.6 

45 Rock Allen.5 ^ 

79 Spy of Atlanta, 25c.14 3 

275 Simple Silas..... 6 3 

266 Sweetbrier.11 5 

144 Thekla. 9 4 

67 The False Friend. 6 1 

97 The Fatal Blow.7 1 

* 119 The Forty-Niners.10 4 


iro. 

212 

92 

112 

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105 

201 

193 

277 

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41 

192 

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254 

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181 

183 

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146 

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63 

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58 


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136 

124 

257 

248 

178 

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174 

149 

37 

237 

126 

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114 

264 

219 

239 

VI 

262 

87 

249 


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3 

4 
3 

3 

4 

3 
2 
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7 

4 

3 

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The Du;ch Recruit 2"c.14 

The Gentleman in Black. 9 

The New Magdalen. 8 

The Reward of Crime. 5 

Through Snow aud Sunshine 6 

Ticket of Leave Man.. 9 

Toodles. 7 

The Musical Captain.15 

Uncle Tom’s Cabin.15 

Will-o’-the-Wisp,. 9 

Won at Last.. 7 

Zion. 7 

TEMPERANCE PLAYS. 

At Last. 7 1 

Adrift. 5 4 

Aunt Dinah's Pledge. 6 3 

Dot; the Miner’s Daughter... 9 5 

Drunkard [The].13 5 

Drunkari’s Warning. 6 3 

Drunkard’s Doom.15 5 

Fifteen Years of a Drunk¬ 
ard’s Life.13 4 

Fruits of the Wine Cup. 6 3 

Lost.„ 2 

Our Awful Aunt.4 4 

Out in the Streets. 6 

Rescued. 5 

Saved. 2 

Turn of the Tide. 7 

Three Glasses a Day. 4 

Ten Nights in a Bar-Room... 7 
Wrecked. 9 


COMEDIES. 


A Pleasure Trip. 7 3 

A Legal Holiday. 5 3 

An Afflicted Family.7 5 

Caught in the Act.7 3 

Captured... 6 4 

Caste. 5 3 

Home . 4 3 

Love’s Labor Not Lost. 3 3 

New Years in N. Y,.....7 6 

Not So Bad After All.6 5 

Not Such a Fool as He Looks 6 3 

Our Daughters. 8 6 

Pug and the Baby. 5 3 

Passions.8 4 

Prof. James’ Experience 

Teaching Country School. 4 3 

Rags and Bottles... 4 1 

Scale with Sharps and Flats.. 3 2 

Solon Shingle.14 2 

^wo Bad Boys. 7 3 

Theater Bit. 3 2 

$2,000 IWTfrd. 2 0 

tragL^ies. 


16 The Serf...,... « 3 





















































































































THE COMMERCIAL 


DRUMMER. 


A COMEDY 


IN THREE ACTS, 



Thorn Melrose, 


Author of “Miss Sterns’ Trial;” “My Mother-in-Lav)“Hazel;” 
“Duke Marlow“Tioo Actors;” “Only a Drummer; n 
“Beneath a Blot;” etc., etc. 


PRINTED FROM THE AUTHOR’S ORIGINAL MANUSCRIPT. 




-TO WHICH IS ADDED- 


A DESCRIPTION OF THE COSTUMES—CAST OF THE CHARACTERS—’ 
ENTRANCES AND EXITS—RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE 
PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WHOLE 
OF THE STAGE BUSINESS, 


3 A 

Entered according to act of Congress in the year 1890, by " / J 

AMES’ PUBLISHING CO., " V 

in the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington 


-X- 


-CLYDE, OHIO I- 

AMES’ PUBLISHING CO, 









^V 1 

The commercial drummer. ' ‘ r 
» # 

cast of 'JIiara'JTERS. 

As Produced by th American Theatre Company. 


.frank Ross, (ifte outcast) } 
Irving Booth, (the drummer )J 

John Dudley, (a lawyer )..... 

Deacon Foote, (a saint). 

J. Ashtor, (a tramp) . 

Joe, (a negro) 

Olie, (a swede) f . 

Richard Marlow. 

Zadie Delores. .... 

Verda Miller.... 


.. Thorn Melrose 

. Edwin Reed 

. .Roland Russell 
... Rano Leighton 

.... Fred Morton 

Miss Gladis Earl 
.... Pearl Litton 
. Belle Tutine 


-x- 

PROPERTIES. 

ACT I—Parlor table, with chairs r. and l. ; book on table; sofa 
R.; chairs c. and l. ; three revolvers; bowie knife; papers for will; 
carpet lamp. 

ACT II—Garden wall; rustic seat, c.; hammock r. ; grass mats, 
etc.; two papers; letter; two revolvers; handkerchief; paper tor 
Will; blank cartr'iges; pail of paint and brush; bowl. 

AGT III—Bar l. ; shelf back of bar; three bottles on shelf, with 
strings attached; two revolvers; paper for will; two boxes, one 
laRge one marked “hot box,” other marked “ice box;” plain table 
r., with bottle and glasses on; chairs; rude desk on bar; |cigar 
boxes, etc.; money; bowl; lounge c.; sachel with boxes for corn 
plasters; matches; bottomless bottle; sheet for ghost; beer keg; 
bottles, glasses, etc. 


-x- 

COSTUMES. 

The costumes are simple and can be selected by the actor, e*cept in 
Swede and Booth parts. 

Swede—Tight pants; short jacket; brown shirt; red handkerchief 
around neck; boots; light curly wig; fair complexion, with highly 
colored cheeks; lines, etc. 

Booth—Long hair; Roman costumes, such as worn by tradgedians 
must be exagerated; face may be made up to suit actor. 

-x- 

TIME OF PLAYING—TWO HOURS. 

-x- 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

means Right; L., Left; r. h., Right Hand; l. h.. Left Hand; c., Centre; *. a; 
(2d e.,) Second Entrance; c. e.. Upper Entrance; m. d., Middle Door; f., the FUt; 
t>. F., Door in Flat; R. c., Right of Centre; l. c., Left of Centre. 

R* R* C# C« L. C* 

*•* Ihe reader is supposed to le upon the Stage facing the audience. 
















The Commercial Drummer. 

ACT i. 

SCENE I—Parlor. 

Frank Ross seated r. at table. 

Frank 7 loss. Strange Dudley does not put in his appearance; he 
is always the first one to do so. 

Enter , John Dudley, l. —lays hat on table and takes off gloves. 

John Dudley. Rather late, I see! I was detained by a client. 

(sits l. of table 

Frank. Better late than never! You promised to tell me all 
about my father’s will. 

John. Are you prepared to listen to legal talk for a short time? 

Frank. Yes; for a short time. 

John. Well, to commence with—you know that Mr. Marlow is 
your father only by adoption. 

Frank. I have been so informed. 

John. Good; it saves me so much time! You are the son 01 
Harry Ross, who was once rich and prosperous; but invested his 
money unwisely and lost all; he soon died; your mother followed a 
lew weeks after. You were a young boy, then, not old enough to 
earn your living. Mr. Marlow took a great liking to you, and 
adopted you. It was always understood that you and his niece 
Vera was to share equally bis wealth; but, if in the meanwhile, his 
brother’s son Richard turned up, he should do as he pleased with 
the estate, etc. Your father has been dead two weeks, and I think 
it about time to read the will. 

Frank. I believe Richard w r as stolen from home. 

John. Yes, and is probably dead ere this. I merely wanted to 
let you know how matters stood. 

Frank. You are the family lawyer, Mr. Dudley, and I will trust 
you to do the business as soon as possible. 

John. Which shall be to-day. Good morning! 

Frank. Good morning! {exit John, l.) Yesterday I would 
have been happy with this vast fortune, which I shall soon become 
master of; to-day I feel some strange fear—a fear which seems to 
say—“Richard is coming home; you are a beggar!” No, I shall 
never become that! I shall take to the road, as a “commercial 
drummer,” if he should come. I am foolish to worry. 


4 


THE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. 

Enter, Deacon Foote, l. 

Deacon Foote. The light, i- shining from the gates ajar; it 
streanieth forth into a holy light of glory; it causeth the wicked to 
tremble and the good to weep for joy. 

Frank. Religion is your sole cause, is it not, Deacon Foote? 

Deacon. Aye, my very soul, my life! 

Frank. I will leave you with yourself for awhile. 

Deacon. Not alone, for He is with me. {exit Frank, l.) A good 
young man—a sheep of the fold. 

Enter, Yerda Miller, r. 

Verda Miller. Within ten minutes, deacon, my dear uncle’s will 
is to be read. 

Deacon. Child, what if its lines should not please you? Would 
you forget thy soul, thy religion? 

Verda. Deacon, I have no cause to fear the reading of uncle’s 
will, and even if it should not leave me one penny, 1 still havo 
Frank. 

Deacon. True; Frank is to be thy future husband. 

Verda. What more can I want? 

Deacon. Then gold is not thy curse, not thy light? 

Verda. No—a thousand times no 1 

Enter, Frank, Zadie Delores, Joe and John, l. 

John. I see the deacon and yourself are having a chat, Miss Mil¬ 
ler. I am sorry; but I will have to disturb you, by reading Mr. 
Marlow’s will. 

Verda. There is plenty of time for the deacon and myself to talk. 
I am anxious to hear the will read. 

John. If all will kindly be seated, I will proceed; but how comes 
Joe here? 

Joe. Massa, I’se nuffin’ but a poor ole nigger, but I’se got a 
white heart, and I want to hear dat will read to see as how massa 
lef’ my dog Snow, dat ole collar dat he said as how dis chile were to 
hab. 

John. This is no place for you. Go! 

Zadie Delores. Isay he shall stay. 

John. As you say, Miss Delores! 

Zadie. Joe, you may stay here until you wish to go. 

Joe. Thank you, missis; you is white, you is! 

John. Give me your attention. 

Joe. You mus’ ’scuse me—I doan cotch dat word. 

Frank. You will understand in time, Joe. 

Joe. If a fellah ain’t got no watch, and can’t tell de time, how is 
he gwine to get dat dar ’tention? 

Verda. Please be still, Joe. Mr. Dudley is waiting. 

John. (reads will ) “I, Harry Marlow, in my right mind, do 
hereby leave my personal property and real estate to my neice, 
Verda Miller, and my adopted son, Frank Ross, each to share 
equally, unless, by chance, my brother’s son Richard Monroe Mar¬ 
low should return. If so, he is to inherit all. I appoint John 
Dudley, guardian. Harry Marlow. Witnesses, Joe King; Misa 
Jones.” His last request shall be observed. 


THE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. 


I 


Enter , Richard Marlcw, r. 

Richard Marlow. If his last request be observed, I then claim 
my just rights. 

Frank. Who are you? (all rising 

Rich. I am Richard Marlow! 

Frank. I knew it! 

John. If you be—as you say—Richard Marlow, you must prove 
it! 

Rich, (hands papers to John) Read for yourself! 

John, (reads — aloud) It is true! Frank, Verda, I am sorry for 
you! 

Verda. We need no sympathy ! If he can prove what he says, 
he shall have his rights; but we shall want good proof. 

John. Well, this paper proves his rights. 

Verda. It is very strange that after eighteen years absence, he 
should return just at this moment. 

Rich. I did not know who I was until the gentleman I was stay¬ 
ing with, gave me the papers. 

Deacon, (solemnly) He speaks the truth—his soul is pure. 

Zadie. Never mind his soul; we want facts! 

Verda. Mr. Dudley and Deacon Foote shall investigate youi 
proof; if they are correct, you shall have your rights; if not, we 
shall see. 

Rich. And if they are right—well, we shall see. 

Frank. Things have turned out strangely. Come, let us go 
where we can talk it over. (exit r., Frank, Verda and Zadie 

Joe. Whar’s dat dog collar? Dat boy (loan uit dat! 

John. You get, or I’ll make shoe strings out of you ! 

Joe. Oh, l’se gwine, not ’case 1’se scat, but’case I wants to! 

(exit Joe, r. 

Deacon. The child of the dark continent is in trouble. 

John . He is like all his race; but sit down, (all sit) Rich¬ 
ard, my boy, you did tine! 

Rich. I did as you told me to. Do I get the money ? 

John. Be patient, my boy; you shall have your share. 

Rich. They will find out that I am not Richard Marlow, and then 
I am in the soup. 

John. Hush! They never will! I am their lawyer, and they 
trust the deacon. 

Rich. A healthy old deacon he makes ! The last time I saw him 
he was an old bum—that was about the time you killed the real 
Richard! 

John, (jumping up) My God ! Not that—not that! 

Deacon. It was thee who killed Richard—a good stroke; but it 
will take ten thousand dollars extra to silence my tongue! 

John. You shall have it; but never breathe of that crime again ! 

Deacon. Ten thousand for my fold! Ye Gods! but my flock 
shall rejoice! 

Rich. Your flock—yes, convicts! 

John. You play your part right, and we will pull the wool over 
their eyes. 

Rich. Oh, I’ll do that! But for a rich man’s heir, I am deuced 
hungry! 

Deacon. Come and feed with my flock. 

(exit Deacon and Richard, l. 

John. My scheme works, and when it does, 1 shall see that 
Richard dies! 


THE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. 

j I 

Enter , Zadie, r. 

Sadie. Villian! You coward! 

r ohn. Zadie? My God! Will I never rid myself of you? 

Sadie. Rid yourself of me? Never! You, who took me from 
my mother, my home, promised me love, riches and happiness; 
then betrayed me ! I leave your side? no, never! until I see you 
on the scaffold! 

John. Zadie, I will keep my promise as soon as this scheme ends. 
You shall be my wife. 

Zadie. The same old story; be your wife! John Dudley—no, 
never! 1 hate you! 

John. You think you do; but wait! 

Zadie. I have waited until I am sick and tired; listen to me, 
John Dudley! You mean to pass that boy off as Richard Marlow; 
but I will block your game ! 1 swear it! 

John. Then curse you—die! (he grabs her—tries to stab her 

Enter , Joe, r. 

Joe. ’Scuse me, Mr. Dudley, but I’se got sumftin in dis pocket 
dats loaded! (pulls revolver) Dis little barker has got seben bullets 
in it, and I’se not responsible fo’ de seben shots, l’se gvvine to lend 
dem to you, chile, and fo’git to take deni back! 

John, (releases her) Hold on! My God, would you shoot a 
man in cold blood ? 

Joe. Heben be my witness, I neber shot a man, nor I isn’t gwine 
to; but dar am a criter dat all honest men likes ter shoot, and dat 
am de buzzard, and dar’s one right a for dis chile. 

John. Have a care! 

Joe. Dat jess what I’se gwine to do, boss! and you is de man dat 
I takes care ob. Now you better be gwine or you will borrow d s 
lead—wliiteman, look out! 

John. Joe, you are a hero ! Miss Delores and myself were hav¬ 
ing a little private rehearsal; you need not say anything about this ! 

Joe. Doan go and get scat, honey! It ain’t a private ’hearsal 
you’se gwine to get. but a hearse. 

John, (aside) Curse him—he will ruin all! (exit l. 

‘ Zadie. Joe, you was just in time; he meant to kill me. 

Joe. You tole me to kind ob follow you around, missie, and I 
done gone done it. 

Zadie. He does not suspect that you are a detective, and in my 
employment. 

Joe, His time am near, honey! 

Zadie. Joe, why do you always retain the negro dialect when 
with me? 

Joe. When I act a character, I act it to the end. 

Zadie. I suppose you know best. You heard the will read and 
witnessed Richard’s return, at the last moment. What do you think 
ofit? J 

Joe. A put up job! But they have got the proofs, which are 
hard to get around; but Til do it if you say the word. 

Zadie. Good! Prove that this fellow is not Richard Marlow, and 
I will double your reward. 

Joe. As you say; it may take a year and it may be but a few 
days. 

Zadie. If it takes ten years, bring them to justice! 

Joe. A hard case—but I will win! 


(exit r. 


Jf 


TEE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. 

Enter , Deacon Foote, l. 

Deacon . Thou shalt win glory— 

Joe. Dat am what I was jess calculatin' on, deacon l You see, if 
Sam Jones and I were a playin’ pedro, and Sam held two jacks and 
seben aces, how am dis hunk ob darkness gwine to win de game ? 
Dat am de question! 

Deacon. (shocked) Cards! You play cards? Where is the light 
that shineth from afar? 

Joe. Dat am de question! If Sam— 

Deacon. Cards are the devil’s tempters. Did thee never read the 
Good Book? 

Joe. Dat what I did, and it tole ’bout Jonah, dat got swallowed 
by a fish, jess like a little worm, and dar was no line,no hook on dat 
fellow. 

Deacon. Thou shalt not talk in such a wicked way ; it is cursing! 

Joe. Dat’s de funniest way to curse dat eber J saw! when I’se 
gwine fo’ to cuss, I say “dam it!” right out—’deed I does, honey! 

Deacon. Thou art a wicked man! Come to iny study, where 
thou shalt be enlightened. 

Joe. I’se cornin’, boss! (aside) The fraud! (exeunt L, 

Enter , Frank and Verda, r. 


Verda. Frank, we are no longer rich ; what are we to do? 

Frank. Do? Why, you shall become my wife, and I shall be¬ 
come a traveling agent, a drummer. 

Verda. But is there no hope? There may be some mistake. 
Frank. No; Dudley tells me there is no hope, and that Richard 
gives us just twenty-four hours to leave this house. 

^ Verda. Leave it—the house that has been my home for years! 
Oh, how cruel! 

Frank. Cruel, but true! 

Enter , John, l. 


John. Talking of the estate? It is too bad, too bad ! Isay Mr. 
Marlow did wrong in making his will in such a loose way. 

Frank. Do not speak harsh words! He never knew what would 
happen. 

John. I can see but one thing to do—that is, to come and live 
with me. You are more than welcome. 

Frank. No! 1 was brought up in luxury and ease; but I am not 
to proud to earn an honest living! I thank you for your kind offer, 
but I must decline. 

John. And you, Verda? 

Verda. (goes to Frank) Where Frank goes, I go—even though 
it be to the end of the earth! 

John. Bravely spoken ! May you never regret it. 

Frank. She never will, while 1 live! 

John. Come, Frank, I want to convince you that the boy is what 
he claims—Richard Marlow. 

Frank. I will go; but not because I doubt your honesty, but to 
be fully convinced. 

John. That is what I want. (exit Frank and John, l. 

Verda. Frank is all I have now. I shall miss my old home, but 
with Frank, a cottage will seem a palace. 


S TEE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. 

Enter , Zadie, r. 

Zadie. Verda, I want to see you. and tell you how much I feel 
your loss. 

Verda. You are my best friend, Zadie; but will it not make a 
difference—I am poor now and you are rich. 

Zadie. Before I could not show my love for you; now I claim 
the right to care for you. 

Verda. But Frank—what will he say ? 

Zadie. It is impossible for him to take you from city to city with 
him, while he is making a living for you; you can stay with me, ns 
a dear friend and guest. 

Verda. I will accept the invitation; but for a short time only. 

Zadie. Like a sensible girl. Now, do not worry; you may yet 
regain your fortune. I say—may. 

Verda. But the proofs are before us—there is no way out of it. 

Zadie. (Zadie snaps her fingers) That for the proofs! I will 
prove them as worthless as the person who wrote them. 

Verda. Then you are concealing something from me? 

Zadie. Never mind. I am doing all for the best. God knows I 
would tell you if I could ! but not now—not now! 

(Zadie kisses her—(exit r. 

Verda. She knows something, but dare not tell. Thank God. 
there may yet be hope! 

Enter , John, l. 

John. Yerda, it grieves me to see you down-cast. May I ask 
what you intend to do? 

Verda. I intend to help Frank as much as I can, and be a good 
wife to him. 

John. You will have to do your own work. See what a come 
down from society to the humble cottage. 

Verda. (goes toward him) Do not discourage me, Mr. Dudley. 
I have decided. 

John. Why live the life of a drudge, when the world offers so 
much to you ? 

Verda. I do not understand you ! 

John. I will make it plain. Verda, I love you! Be my wife! I 
will keep you like a queen. 

Enter , Frank, unseen—standing in doorway , c. 

Verda. Mr. Dudley, no more! I love— 

Enter , Joe, l., walking backwards—runs against John. 

John. You clumsy fool! 

Joe. Yes, sah! l’se mighty careless lately. ’Deed I didn’t mean 
no ’fense, boss! Hope I may die if I did ! 

John. Now go! Do you hear? 

Joe. Yes, sah! I’s gwine, but— 

(John throws book at him—exit Joe, l.—Frank comes forward 

Verda. (to Frank) Frank, I am so glad you are here. 

Frank. Do not add insult to injury—I have heard enough ! As 
for you, Dudley, go—or I’ll not be responsible for your life! 

John. Man, you are mad ! 

Frank. Mad! I have heard enough to make me mad—my prom¬ 
ised wife, listening to words of love from you! 



THE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. 


t 


Verda. Frank, you frighten me! My God, it can’t be that you 
suspect— 

Frank. I suspect nothing— hut know! Hereafter, we are stran¬ 
gers ! (exit, Frank, c. 

Verda. My God, he believes me untrue! I cannot bear it! I 
cannot bear it! (to John) Surely you will not allow him to think 
me untrue? 

John. Go into the next room, and I will explain all to him. 

Verda. You will? God bless you! (exit l. 

John. 1 will explain nothing that will bring you two together 
again. 

Enter, Deacon Foote, r. 

Deacon. Plotting again, my beloved friend? Surely, thou art 
the devil’s own child ! 

John. Yes, our scheme has worked to a charm. 

Deacon. Thee told me to lorge a letter in Zadie’s hand-writing, 
telling Frank to be at the library door at such a time, and he would 
be surprised. Verily, I did it! 

John. And it worked! Fcote, you are a jewel. 

Deecon. Nay, only a wanderer—a religious wanderer. 

John. Frank is completely fooled, and on account of Joe, who 
stumbled in just as she was about to give me a Hat refusal—but only 
managed to say, “1 love;” and he made the mistake that parted 
them. 

Deacon. So far, so good ; but what dost thou want of me? 

John. One more scheme, and if it works, I am rich. 

Deacon. Say ice are rich, my whole-souled friend. 

John. Let it be we, then. My scheme is this. Just as Frank is 
about to enter this room, I must make believe to murder you. I will 
then yell for help, and you accuse him of the murder, as you fall. 

Deacon. A scheme fit for the devil; but here he comes ! 

(John draws knife and stabs him —Deacon falls 

Deacon. Help! help! My God, it was not a farce, but the truth ! 
He has killed me! 

Enter, Frank, l. 

Frank. (starting ) What— . My God ! A murder? 

Enter, Kiciiard, Verda, Zadie and Joe, l, 

John, (pointing to Frank) I accuse yonder man of the murder. 
He was jealous, and in a moment of madness, killed the deacon 
instead of me. 

Frank. It is false, so help me Heaven ! 

John. Secure him; he is the murderer! 

Frank, (drawing revolver ) I am innocent, I swear it! The lirs<- 
man who crosses this threshold in pursuit of me—dies! 

Joe. (draws revolver and gets in front of John) Stand back, white 
trash, stand back! ’Case Fse gwine to tight fo’ de right, and dat’s 
uiassa Frank. 

Frank. John Dudley, I accuse you of the murder of yonder man. 
L shall fly now, because everything is against me; but wherever 
you may be, I shall be your shadow, and at last bring you, like a 
trembling cur, to my feet to beg lor mercy. 

(Frank grabs him by throat —John gets on knees 

John. Help! help! Have pity! 


to 


THE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. 


Frank . Never! I will strangle you ! 

(Joe grabs Frank—Vkrda faints and Zadie holds her 

END OF ACT I. 

CURTAIN. 


ACT II. 

SCENE I—Carden. Fence across r. u. e. 

Zadie and Verda discovered sitting in hammock or on bench , reading. 

Verda throws {down paper. 

Verda. It seems no use to try and forget Frank. I cannot do it* 
it has been just one year to-day since he left, and I have not heard 
one word from him. 

Zadie. Hope is a poor substance to cling to, but never mind, 
dear. I am sure Frank is alive and well, and is only waiting te 
make a fortune for you. 

Verda. If I only dared hope—if I only dare! 

Zadie. You have been my guest for one year, Verda, and during 
ill that time we have not had one cross word, not one angry look. 

Verda. No, not one! I should always like to live like this, and 
have your life before me. 

Zadie. My life? You live my life? No, no! It has been but a 
curse, and the one who has made it so, shall sutler as I have done. I 
shall ring from them tear for tear, and life for life. 

Verda. Zadie, what is the matter, are you ill? Who has harmed 
you? 

Zadie. It is nothing—nothing that you can help. 

Verda. But those strange and tragic words? 

Zadie. (laughs) Is merely a line I learned while at Irving’s 
Dramatic School. 

Verda. Thank goodness! I thought you had gone crazy. 

Zadie. (aside) Even that would be a blessing! (aloud) I must 
go into the house and see that everything is running smoothly. 

Verda. Do not be long, dear, ( exit Zadie, l.) At times I 
imagine that all is not right with Zadie; but, ah—well, because I 
am sad, it does not make the whole world so. (reads 

Enter , John, r. 

John. Reading on such a fine day as this? You should be out 
among the flowers, ’where you belong. 

Verda. Reading suits me very well at any time. 

John. Why do you treat me so coolly? At times I fancy you 
almost hate me. 

Verda. I hate no one, Mr. Dudley, far less yourself; you are all 
that is left to remind me of my old and happy home. 

John. Then why not let me— 

Verda. Enough! I know what you would say; but it can never 
be. Love, for me, is dead. 

John. You love that rascally young— 

Verda. (rising) Stop! I command you—do not dare to speak 
of him in such a way. Remember, I never believed him guilty. 


THE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. 11 

John. Excuse me, Verda, I did not mean it. Won’t yon take a 
little stroll with me? 

Verda. 1 will on one condition, and that is—that you do not 
speak further on subjects that are distasteful to me. 

John. L remember, and will obey. ( exeunt , it. 

Enter, Joe, l., with paint brush and pail. 

Joe. Spect dis am de place whar I’se got to paint de bench; it’s 
a nasty job, dat what it am. ( painting) Dat looks better, fo’ a fact! 
Now, if dat boy Richard were home, I’d jess as leave paint him— 
’deed I would, honey ! 

Enter, J. Ashtor, r. 

Ashtor. Well, if this ain’t a la-la place to snooze, I’m a liar! 

Joe. Fo’ de land sakes, dars Mr. Ram uni’s man-monkey ! 

Ashtor. He takes me for a monkey ; don’t blame him—I don’t 
know the difference myself. I’m glad I’m somebody! 

Joe. (aside) Heah dat man talk; just as good as a circus. 

Ashtor. Better give me a quarter. 

Joe. Fo’ de Lord, what for? 

Ashtor. Costs half a dollar to git in the circus, half fare for 
children—see ? 

Joe. Guess I won’t go to the circus, ’case l’se dead clean busted. 

Ashtor. Same case here! You ain’t got a doughnut or a baked 
liver in your pocket, have you? 

Joe. (aside) Spects dat man takes me fo’ a bakery. 

Ashtor. No danger of that; had to much experience. 

Joe. Who am you, anyhow? 

Ashtor. My name is Ashtor, third cousin to Jacob Ashtor. I’m 
an orphan; my mother died two years before I was born. 

Joe. Look here, white man, dat am a tough one. 

Ashtor. No tougher than hotel beefsteak. I’ll explain that later. 

(lie sits on bench 

Joe. Fo’ de Lord’s sake, look at dat man ! 

(Joe kicks himself—rolls over on ground—laughing 

Ashtor. Don’t mind me. I have just washed my feet and feel 
rather sick. 

Joe. Glory, you’se feel mighty sick afore long! 

(Joe rolls around and laughs—finally sits on bench, still laughing 

Ashtor. Look here, nigger, don’t you laugh at me! I’m nc 
dude! 

Joe. You’se gone and set on dat bench dat I’se jess painted. 

Aslitor. ( rising quickly) We’re chumps, that’s what we are! 
Better go and wash the paint off* those pants of your’n. 

Joe. (jumping up) Dar, I’se done gone done it ! If you laugh at 
me, fellow, I’se gvvine to punch your head. (exit Joe, l. 

Ashtor. All the stone are tied down around here, and the dog.-' 

are tied loose. (he walks to front of stage — dogs heard 

* 

Enter, Booth, r. u. e — climbs on fence. 

Booth. Instead of making Rome howl, I have caused the dogs for 
miles around to howl, (he jumps off fence — comes to front) Hamlet, 
1 am thy father’s cheese knife ! 

Ashtor. Say, if you are a cheese knife, I ain’t the cheese you’re 
going to cut—see ? 

Booth, (tragic) I could a tale unfold, whose lightest words 


12 


THE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. 


would harrow up thy soul; freeze thy blood ; make thine eyes start 
from these spheres like stars; thy knotted and combined locks to 
part, and each and every hair to stand on end, like the quills of the 
fretful porcupine!. 

Aslitor. (gets on knees—frightened) I ain’t in this. Oh, Lord, I 
wonder if this is an asylum ! 

Booth. Lay on, Macbeth, lay on—and damned be he who first 
cries “hold! enough!” 

Ashtor. I ain’t saying a word, (aside) He thinks I am the 
queen of England. 

Booth. Get the to a nunnery, and bring me a bowl of soup! 

Ashton. (rising) Is there a soup nunnery around here? You 
can just bet I’m in the soup! (exit l. 

Booth. Some soup, some soup ! My kingdom for some soup! 

Enter , Ashtor, l., with howl — Booth drinks. 

—Ah, Richard is himself again ! 

Ashtor. That’s the case here, (aside) The boys have got a keg 
out on the green ; guess I’ll go and help them! (aloud) Hamlet, I 
am thy father’s whiskers. (exit l. 

Booth. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious noon, who is already 
sick and pale with grief. (Joe and Ashton look over fence, then 
duck down) What! Did I behold—two sons—but not heavenly 
suns. 

Enter , Zadie, l. 

Zadie. Who are you, my good man? 

Booth, (aside) A woman of the Gods, and most divinely fair! 
(aloud) I come me hence from the theatre DeSoup, from which, 
while acting, a wind of mighty force did strike us, tearing the tim¬ 
bers, and carrying the living away. I see it now—here lays a 
woman, here a man ! Foul winds! I will refuse to breathe, for 
thou art made up of air. 

Zadie. (aside) He is some poor, insane person, (aloud) Would 
you not like something to eat? 

Booth. Something to eat? Say it again ; it sounds sweet. I will 
go me to the pantry, and your pie I will devour. (exit l. 

Zadie. His voice sounds familiar, but I cannot place it. 

Enter , John, r. 


John. You here? 

Zadie. And why not? These are my grounds, Mr. Dudley, and 
ilie sooner you leave them, the better I will like it. 

John. Be sensible, Zadie; why cannot we come to terms? 

Zadie. And your terms are— 

John. That you act like a sensible woman for a little while, until 
1 have made my fortune; then we can live together and be hapuv 
once more. 

Zadie. Steal your fortune, you mean! John Dudley, j r ou never 
made an honest penny in your life. 

John. If “steal” suits you, why have it so! “Make” suits me. 

Zadie. Do you think I am so mean and contemptible as to rob 
*ny friend? A thousand times, no! Go! I hate the sight of you. 

John. Do not tempt me too far. Remember, I will not fail next 
time. 


TEE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. 13 

Zadie. I know you would commit murder if you dared; but you 
ire a coward. 

John. (takes pistol from pocket) Curse you ! I’ll kill you for 
that. 

Zadie. Shoot, you coward—you dare not! 

Enter, Ashtor, l., with pistol. 

Ashtor. Going to have a shooting match, eh? Well, I’m a la-la 
on the shoot. You can just bet when I aim at the barn, I’ll hit a 
house. 

John. ( turning aside) Balked again ! Curse the luck! 

Ashtor . Give me the barker; I’m collecting all those kind of 
toys. 

John. And if I should refuse? 

Ashtor. Then I’ll just practice on you. The queen and myself 
used to own a shooting box. Hurry up; the boys have gone after 
another keg, and I want to suck the cork. 

John. Take it! ( hands him revolver 

Ashtor. (takes revolver) Don’t get funny! I’ve killed lots of 
snakes, and I’m just aching to kill another. I live in Gore alley, I 
do 

Zadie. This has been your second attempt at crime. Have a 
care— your end is near. ( exit Zadie, l. 

Ashtor. Just hand me over a William—I call them Williams, bo 
cause I’m not well enough acquainted to call them Bill. 

John. This is too much—I will not stand it. 

Ashtor. ( levels revolver) Sit down, if you’re tired. Give me the 
William or I’ll use you for a target. 

John, (hands money) Take it, and go! 

Ashtor. You can just bet your sweet life I will! That will buy 
live kegs—I’ll be as drunk as a Lord. (exit, Ashtor, l. 

John. Everything goes wrong—things must and will change. 

(exit John, r 

Enter, Booth, l. 

Booth. I am full of grub as an Indian. ( yells heard) There they 
are now; the woods are full of them. 

Enter , Richard, disguised as an Indian , l. 

—I will defy them, and with my mighty power, will whirl them 
over yonder fence. (sees Indian — gets on knees 

Rich. Whie man heap coward; me kill ’em! 

Booth runs out with Indian after him—comes back with lasso around 

neck—Indian after him. 

Enter, Ashtor, l. — exit Booth, r. 

Ashtor. Had to much beer! (sees Indian) There’s an Indian! 
I’m drunk; pretty soon I’ll see a square meal; guess I’ll stay! 

Rich. YVhite man heap brave—to much fire water. 

Ashtor. Don’t you sass me; I’m a la-la! 

Rich. Indian scalp white man and get fire water. 

Ashtor. No you don’t! That jag cost too much. I’ll fool you — 
had to drink; I’ve been eating onions and took whisky to take out 
the smell. (exits, Ashtor, l. 

Rich. Well* if tins isn’t a lark! Wonder what Dud would 


u THE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. 

say—raise cane I suppose; speak of the devil and here he comes. 

Enter , John, r. 

John. Ah, Richard, back, I see! What are you doing with that 
dress on ? 

Ashtor. Having a lark—can’t you see? 

John. This thing must stop; it will not do! 

Rich. Will not do? Well, we will see! I will do just as I 
please. 

John. Then 1 will take the fortune from you. 

Rich. A bright idea—cook your own goose, eh? 

John. I never thought of that. We must be friends. 

Rich. Ye.s, and some day I’ll wake up and find myself dead; 
you’ll have some little plan worked up, and serve me as you did the 
deacon, eh? 

John. He was in my way and so I killed him; remember, two i3 
company. 

Rich. See that you stick to that, and we are chums. 

(exit Richard, l. 

John. He is a smart one, to smart for me; yet l dare not put him 
out of the way. 

Enter , Verda, r. 

Verda. Enjoying yourself, Mr. Dudley? This is a delightful 
day. 

John. Yes, splendid! but I was thinking. 

Verda. Thinking of who? 

John. Of you. Verda, will you still persist in this foolishness? 
Is all your life to be a waste? Frank is dead. 

Verda. Frank dead? Oh, no—it cannot be possible! Say you 
Were only jesting. 

John. 1 wish it were so; but I have prooifs of his death. 

Verda. Proofs only will convince me—show them to me, and 
anything you say, I shall do. 

John. Think of what you are saying. Do you mean it? 

Verda. I have given my word. I mean it; if Frank is dead, I 
care not what becomes of me. 

John, (hands her a paper) Read this article; it is reliable. 

Verda. (reads) My God, it is true ! 1 care not to live. 

John. You must live; remember your promise. Within one yeai 
from to-day you become my wife. 

Verda. If that be your wish, it shall be as you say; but remem¬ 
ber, I shall never love you—love is dead. 

John. I am satisfied; go into the house, and I will join you 
presently. 

Verda. It cannot be true! My God ! What have I done to be 
punished so? ( exit r. 

John. I have won. Once she is my wife, I shall hold the fortune 
and then—Richard, look out. (looking l.) There is that fiend, my 
stumbling block. One shot, and I would be safe, (draws revolver) 
She stoops to pick a flower—my time has come ! (he takes aim — shot 
heard outside — his arm drops) Curse the luck—I’m winged I 

Enter , Joe and Booth, r. 

Joe. I didn’t know dat was loaded, for sure I didn’tl 


15 


THE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. 

John. You have shot me through the arm. I will kill you for 
this. ( exit John, l. 

Booth. Yonder man has been shot. 

Joe. Pat dar fellow »vas gwine to shot Missie Zadie, and I jess 
np and winged him, dat what 1 did. 

Booth. Ye Gods! Can this I be true? lie shall be persued to 
the ends of the earth. I will avenge her! 

Joe. (aside) Fo’ de Lord, dat man’s done gone clean crazy ! 

(exit Joe, l. 

Booth. I think there be six Richmonds in the field, five have I 
slain to-day instead of him. A horse, a horse—my kingdom for a 
horse! 

Enter , Ashtor, r. 

Ashtor. Ain’t got no horse; but got a saw-buck, if that will do 
you. 

Booth. Away, away! Y T ou bring a curse! 

Ashtor. No, 1 bring beer! What do you take me for? 

Booth. Rash young man ! For five long weeks have I looked for 
you—now 1 have thee—I will be revenged. 

Ashtor. (gets on knees) Kill my wife, but spare me ! I’m a la-la, 
I am ! 

Booth. Each and every bum shall feel my vengeance! In yonder 
swamp thy bones shall bleach; the crows shall have a feast. Stay 
you here until my return. 

Ashtor. Well, I guess not! I ain’t stuck on dying. 

(he exits over fence 

Booth. He doos not stay; he speaks but yet he says nothing. 

(exit Booth, r. 

Enter, John, l. 

John. I must hide this will; it may be found by some one. There 
is a swamp on the other side of the fence. I will hide it—it will be 
safe there. Lucky my arm was not hurt much ! ( exits over fence 

Enter , Joe, r., in barrel—bathing suit on. 

Joe. Some white trash hab stolen my clothes. If I gits to de 
barn l’se all right. ( looks l.) If dar ain’t Missie Verda and Zadie! 
better git down in de barrel, ’case if dey see me dis way, Fse dis¬ 
charged. I’ll nebber go in bathin’ again. (gets down in barret 

Enter , Zadie and Verda, l. — they each have pistol. 

Zadie. Why, how come this barrel here ? Well, at any rate, we 
can use it for a target. 

Verda. I can hardly believe that you are Mr. Dudley’s wife; he 
never seeir< d like a villain to me. 

Zadie. Still waters run deep. He married me and then deserted 
me; he thought I was rich, but at that time I did not have a cent. 
My uncle died and left me his money. John Dudley is a villain and 
a murderer. 

Verda. I shall tell him I know all when next we meet. 

Zadie. Do you see that nail hole in that barrel? See me hit it! 
I air •> dead shot and John Dudley shall find it out. 

Joe. 'acts up) Fo’de Lord, don’t shoot! l’se in here, missie! 

Verdu Why, it’s Joe! 


20 THE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. 

Joe. What’s lef’ ob me! Please turn your heads, fo’ I’se gwino 
to move. (exit Joe, l. 

Zadie. It was Joe, and no mistake. Here comes Dudley, now 
tell him. 

Enter, John, r. 

Verda. Mr. Dudley, I have changed my mind about marrying 

you - , 
John. Changed your mind ? But you gave me your word ana 

nonor. 

Verda. I thought you was a man then, but I find that you are a 
fiend in human shape. Do not attempt to brazen it out—I know all! 

John, (to Zadie) This is your work ! By Heavens, you shall 
suffer for this! 

Zadie. You have tried to kill me too many times; you can not 
scare me. Come, Verda, his presence poisons the air. 

(exit Verda and Zadie, l. 
John. Balked again ! I will find Richard and we will carry hei 
off by main force. I will not fail this time. (exit John, r. 

Enter , Ashtor, over fence, whistling — exit, R. 

Enter, Verda, l. 

Verda. I have lost my pin somewhere; I wonder where it is. 

(looks for pin 

Enter, John and Richard, r. 

John. Take her; now is our chance! (they spring on her—chloroforn 
her) She is ours! Take her to the fork road; you will find a carriag< 
awaiting you. 

Enter, Joe, r.— drawing revolver. 

Joe. No you don’t! If you white trash don’t let dat lady alone. 
I’se gvvine to bore you full ob holes. 

John puts Verda onground—holds up hands — Joe searches him— 

pulls paper out of John’s pocket. 

John. Are you satisfied? Curse you! 

Joe. ( examines paper) I think, if dis chile can read right, dat dig 
is de las’ will ob Massa Marlow. Now, I’se gwine to see about dat 
dog collar. (Richard hits Joe — liefalls 

Rich. He’s done for—come! 

John. Richard, you’re a brick! (they start out with Verda) I 
win, now—let come what may! 

PND OF ACT L T 

CURTAIN. 

ACT III. 

SCENE I—Ear-room. Ear at back—bottles with string attached, on 
shelf — hot and cold boxes, r.— lounge or bench, l. — desk on table. 

Ashtor arid Booth discovered. 

Ashtor. If you think I can’t run a bar, just you watch me. 
Booth. Oh, you’re a la-la! 

Ashtor . Glad vou think so! 


THE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. 


17 


Booth. “Within the oyster shell unsought, 

The purest crystal hides; 

Trust me, you’ll find a friend sincere, 

Within the rough outside.” 

Ashtor. Good! Let’s have something inside. 

Booth. I never drink— {aside) —water. 

(Ashtor fills glasses—both drink 

Ashtor. Good stuff—of it’s kind. 

Booth. Ye Gods, but it is a damned poor kind ! 

Ashtor. Say, I always want to know what my friends do; what 
is your biz? If it suit? me, I’ll open a bottle. 

Booth. I am a commercial drummer. Friend, Roman and coun¬ 
tryman, lend me your ears! I come to sell my corn plasters, not to 
praise them, for 1 am a gentleman. 

Ashtor. I’ve got a corn on my big toe. Give me a plaster. 

Booth, (gives corn plaster) The directions are: cut a hole in the 
toe, put the plaster over it if In the morning the corn is gone: 
(aside) so is the toe ! 

Ashtor. Great remedy! Is there any money in it? 

Booth. Money in it? In Australia there are twenty millions of 
people; each person has two feet; on each foot are live toes; two 
times five are ten. There are on an average, two corns on a foot, 
making four corns; four of my plasters at fifty cents a piece, makes 
forty millions of dollars. There’s millions in it! There’s million's 
in it! 

Ashtor. Let’s go out and talk about that—I don’t understand! 

Booth. Out into the air so we can breathe—out into the air ! 

(exeunt r. 

Enter , John and Verda, l. 

Verda. Words fail me, John Dudley, when I try to express my 
burning sense of injustice at this outrage, in this enlightened 
world, in the nineteenth century, do men turn houses into prisons 
and debar weak women of their liberty ? Am 1 a slave that you 
have turned your keys upon me, and set men to watch me? Am I 
a criminal ? if so, what is my crime? 

John. Verda, cease this wild raving; calm yourself. My troubles 
are hard enough to bear, without this additional weight of troubles 
you have put upon me. Come, let’s befriends! 

(he goes toward her—holds out hands 

Verda. Stop—do not lay your hand upon me! At least spare 
me this disgrace. I am your prisoner; your are my jailor. The 
eagle spurns the hand of its captors, so I spun 3 T ou. 

John. So be it! It is war to the knife. Go into yonder room ; I 
will compel you to submit. 

Verda.' Justice will yet overtake you. 

John. Bah! Justice be hanged ! (exit Verda, l.—John speak - 
ing to someone outside) Richard, see that she is well guarded. 

Rich, (without) Never fear; I know my business! 

Enter , Olie Johnson, r. 

John. Who are you? 

Olie Johnson. Be you Mr. McFlvnn? No, I guess you are Mr, 
Dudley. 

John. You know my name? What is your business? 

OUe. I want a job, Mr. Dudley. A fellow told me to come here 
and i would git one. and I guess you are the man. 


13 


THE COMMERCIAL DRUM ML B. 


John. Wliat is your name? 

Olie. My name is Olie Johnson. I came from Oklahoma. 

John. Good! I have been waiting for you; you come well 
recommended. 

Olie. The fellow, he say—“you go to Mr. Dudley, and he Ul 1 
you about a fellow what he wants killed,” and I come here. 

John. No, he was mistaken ; the man is already dead. 

Olie. Then I come from Oklahoma for nothing! 1 gave up a 

good job, and come here to you. 

John. 1 will have work ior you, and it will be worth staying lor. 

Olie. Be you going to give me a job, Mr. Dudley ? 

John. Yes; go into the back room, my friend; I will tell you 
soon. 

Olie. I be satisfied; that fellow' told me the truth, (exit Olie, l. 

John. Nothing now stands in my way—1 will win ! 

(exit John, l. 

Enter , Zadie, it. 

Zadie. No one here? I can work better, as a United States 
Census taker, and I will yet rescue Verda. 

Enter , Booth, l. 

Booth. Ah, for a meal of balloon pie, air pudding, humming birds 
eyebrows and doughnuts dipped in dew. It would make me feel 
like a new-made cheese. 

Zadte. Excuse me; but do you own this building? 

Booth. I fain would own it, yet I do not. 

Zadie. I am a United States Census taker. If you will please 
give me your name, I will place it on this book. 

(showing book and pencil 
Booth. I lent my name once, and it never was returned; but I 
will trust thee. 

Zadie. Name, please. 

Booth. Henry Irving Booth. 

Zadie. Your religion? 

Booth. Beer—excuse me, I mean Salvation Arm}". 

Zadie. Are you married ? 

Booth. No; but I’m willing to lie! 

Zadie. Are you an ex-convict? 

Booth. I should whisper—not! 

Zadie. Are you white or black ? 

Booth. By Heavens, this insult shall be avenged! Brin o’ on the 
fatted calf—I want blood. ° 


Enter , Olie, l.—Booth starts to exit l., runs against him— Olie falls. 

Olie. (gets up) Be you the man what hit me ! 

Booth. Oh, go to the devil! (he exits l. 

Olie. That fellow told me to goto the devil; maybe he knows 
where he is. (he exits r. 

Zadie. ' Who can that fellow, who calls himself Booth, be? I 
have it—it is Frank Ross! that accounts for his being here. If I 
succeed in rescuing Yerda, I will not tell of my discovery; it may 
spoil his plans. (exit Zadie, l. 1 e. 

Enter , Ashtor, l. 2 e. 

Ashtor. There’s some crooked work going on in this house; if 


THE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. j Uj 

there isn’t, I’m ala-la! Guess I’ll open a bottle! 

(he lays bottle on counter 


Enter, Richard, l. 

Rich. Hold on, Asbtor, I’m in this ! Let’s draw matches to see 
who gets first drink! 

Ashtor. I’ll go you, you lose! 

Rich. I’ll take my chances on it! 

(Ashtor gets matches—both go to front of stage — draics—business 

Enter , Olie, r., unseen—takes bottle and exits l. 

Ashtor. I win! Oh, I’m a dandy; but I’m no collar button ! 

Rich. Yes, you won! Drink quick, so I can have a chance. 

(both go towards bar 

Ashtor. Where’s the bottle? Do you see it? 

Rich. Some one has taken it. 

Ashtor. Hope it chokes them ! Don’t want any anyway! 

(both, walk towards front of stage 

Rich. I had better go and find the fellow that did this. 

Enter , Olie, l., puts empty bottle on bar—exit l. 

Ashtor. If you won’t drink it when you do get it, I’ll go you! 

Rich. No, this is a fair deal. (both turn around 

Ashtor. (takes up bottle) Here it is, and not a smell in it! 

Rich. Oh, we’re drunk! I could have sworn that bottle was full! 

(exit Richard, l. 

Ashtor. Guess I’d better swear off! Bet ten cents I’m drunk 
now! 

Enter, Booth, r., with bottle. 

Booth. Fill this bottle with your best wine. 

(hands bottle to Ashtor 

Ashtor. (pours wine in bottle) This bottle holds enough—there’s 
no bottom in it. (exit Booth, l.) Nice trick! No bottom in the 
bottle ! Guess I’ll go out and cool oft*. 

Enter, Zadie, l. 

Zadie. I am the census taker for this district. I hear there is a 
sick man in this house. Will you please go up to his room and ask 
him if 1 may come up; it is room twenty, I think. 

Ashtor. I don’t know anything about him ; but you can bet I’ll 
find him. (exit Ashtor, l. 

Zadie. Now is my time! Yerda is in yonder room. I will un¬ 
lock the door with a skeleton key I have secured from Joe; then 
Yerda can put on my veil and escape. ( exits l. 3 k. 

Enter, Ashtor, l. 

Ashtor. I can’t find the old duffer! Hello, she’s gone! That’s a 
nice way to treat a gentleman. I’m going to find the fellow that 
brought in the bottle. (he exits l. 

Enter, Yerda and Zadie, l. 3 e.—Yerda is veiled. 

Varda. But how are you to escape? I will not leave vou. 



THE COMMERCIAL DR UMMER. 

Go! Do not fear for me. I have friends at band. 

I will—God bless you ! e ( exit Verda, r. 

I must fro back in the cell, so as to deceive them. 

( exit Zadie, l. 3 E. 

Enter , Richard and John, k. 

John. Who was it just went out? 

Rich. Ashtor, I guess! lie was here a moment ago. 

John. I must make sure, (calls off l.) Olio.! Olie, I snj r is the 
girl all right ? 

Olie. (outside l.) She be, Mr. Dudley ! 

John. Good ! Now, Richard, there is one thing more to be done. 
1 must rid myself of Zadie—then all is o. k. 

Rich. Are you sure of that ? 

John. As sure as you are standing here. 

Rich. What about Frank Ross? Is be dead? 

John. He must be. I have not beard anything of him since that 
night. 

Rich. I have. Just as I was coming past room six a few mo¬ 
ments ago, I saw that man you call Booth, take olf a wig, and it be 
isn’t Frank Ross, I’ll eat my^ shoes ! 

John. My God! He lias been hounding me night after night, 
and I never suspected ! 

Rich. So much for you ! (exit Richard, l. 

John. He must die; if not, I am ruined! Olie! Olie, come 
here; I want you. 

Enter , Olie, l. 

Olie. Do you want me? 

John. I promised you a job; your time has come. You will see 
a fellow with long hair around here—he goes by the name of Booth. 
That man must die, and you are the man for the job! 

Olie. You want me to kill Mr. Booth? 

John. Yes; drop him at the lirst opportunity. 

Olie. I’ll do it—never fear! 

John. If you succeed, you shall be a rich man. ( exit John, l. 
Olie. Mr. Booth be the fellow to kill. Well, we will see! 

Enter , Booth, r. 2 e. 

Booth. I must eat—I must eat! Ob, for one bowl of soup! 

Olie runs and jumps in hot box — Booth sits down at table — raps on 

tables-calls. 

—Landlord, thine host is here! 

Enter , Asiitor, r 

Ashtor. What do you want? Sing her out! 

Booth. Soup, young man, soup! 

Ashtor. You’ll get it! ( he exits 

Re-enter , Ashtor, l., throws soup over Booth. 

—Soup! 

Booth. Help! help! I can’t swim! 


SO 

Zadie. 

Verda. 

Zadie. 


(he exits l. 
(he jumps into ice box 


THE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER. SI 

Enter, John and Zadie, l. 

Zadie. Yes; I helped her to escape ! 

John. You helped her to escape, eh? Then by the Gods, you 
shall die! 

Zadie. You have tried that once too often, John; suppose you 
try another scheme? 

John. I have failed before, but this time I am in a place where 
there is no one to interfere. 

Zadie. This time I am prepared for you ! ( draws revolver) Stand 

back, John Dudley, or as there is a Heaven above me, your life shall 
pay the forfeit! 

John. That is your game ? (John snatches revolver 

Zadie. You coward! Take my life! I have saved Verda, and 
Frank is near—you will loose the fortune! 

John. Listen! I have parted Frank and Yerda. I have put a 
counterfeit Richard in the heir’s place, and I now have you ! I can 
kill you and no one will be the wiser. (points pistol at her) You 
have but one moment to live—say your prayers! I will not fail this 
time. 

Zadie. I still defy you ! 

John. When I count three, I shall fire; one, two— 

(Olie and Booth arise from boxes—with pistols 

Booth. Drop thy pistol, or at the word three— you , not her—shall 
die! 

John, (starts back) Don’t shoot! 

Booth. Drop that pistol, and march ! (drops pistol — exit l. 

Zadie. Frank, you have saved me! 

Booth. Stop—not that name! I prefer to remain as I am. 

Zadie. It shall be as you wish. 

Booth. Do not tell what you have discovered I wish it so, for the 
present. 

Zadie. Frank—I mean, Mr. Booth, Joe is next to you; he is a 
detective, hired by me; at present, he is under Dudley. 

Booth. Ah ! 1 have more friends than I thought. 

Olie. Y'es, but I have been hired to kill you; you must fall in 
with my schemes. 

Booth. I understand. Go, now, Zadie, before it is too late. 

(exit Zadie, r.—Booth and Olie drop down in boxes 

Enter, Asiitor, l., with pail. 

Ashtor. 'Cook told me to put some ice in the ice box to keep the 
meat cool. ( he puts ice in box and exits l. 

Booth, (looks out) Oh, Lord ! I’m froze! 

Enter, Ashtor, l. 

Ashtor. Got to turn on the steam—going to cook some soup for 
dinner. (he turns on steam—exits l.—Booth and Olie rise up 

Olie. That iellow has cooked me ! (takes off coat 

Booth. Fm froze ! I’m as cold as ice. (buttons up coat 

Olie. We must get out of here before some one comes. 

(funny business—get out of boxes—exit l. 

Enter, Richard with Verda, r. 

Rich. You see we arc too much for you ! Why don’t you act like 


n THE COMMERCIAL DB UMJIEB. 

a sensible girl and marry Dudley ? What do you care? 1 oil’ll be 
rich! 

Verda. And do you think riches will buy my honor ? A ever, 
blather than marry John Dudley, I would beg from door to door. 

liicliard. You’re too particular! Dudley is a man to be proud 
of! why lie’s as full of schemes as a nut is full of meat! 

Verda . Yes, and does not stop at crime, 

Enter , John, l. 

John. You have got her! Good—she will not escape me this 
time! (to Verda) Where have you been ? 

Verda. 1 am not compelled to tell you my business, Mr. Dudley 
Although your prisoner, I am not your slave. 

Hick, (aside) The girl’s got grit! Guess I’ll go before it gets 
too exciting. ^ (exii n. 

John. I’ll break you of that independent air! You might as 
well make up your mind to take matters as they come. You shall 
be my wife—1 have sworn it! Come, you must go with me! 

(exit, l. 3 e., John leading her 

Enter, Olie, l., pretends to he drunk. 

Olie. That fellow got me drunk, hie, and I’m glad of it. Die; 
guess I’ll skip my job, liic—that’s what I’ll do! ( staggers 

Enter, Booth, l., pretends to he drunk. 

Booth. Wh-wh-wh-what’s that, my love? Drunk, same old 
drunk,eh ? 

Olie. Bet your life, old fellow, same old drunk, hie! 

(they shake hands 

Booth. Sit down ! Ain’t you ashamed of yourself? 

Olie. Can’t sit down, hie! ’Seuse me—let’s drink, (they go over 
to shelf to take bottles—bottles go up — business) 'Whoop, who saw 
that bottle? Don’t want a drink anyhow. 

Booth. Let’s search the desk, Joe. (they search desk — Booth 
pulls out paper) I’ve got it, Joe, it is the will! 

Olie. Hang on to it; we will win, yet! 

(exeunt r., arm in arm, singing 

Down went John Dudley to the bottom of the soup, 

And his whiskers must be wet, 

Lor they’re floating round there yet. 

And Richard got a job biting button holes in shoes, 

Dressed in his convict suit. 

Enter, Verda, l. 3 e. 

Verda. 1 am allowed to roam around this dismal hole, but not 
one breath of fresh air can I get. Surely God will not let this awful 
crime go on. I am guarded well; the house is watched by bold and 
lawless men, who fear neither God or man. (sits in chair 

Enter, Booth, r. 

Booth, (aside) Ah, a young lady ! Now for a love scene! (drops on 
his knees before her) Would you not like to stroll with me, fair lady? 
Just the night to spoon— ah, excuse me—I mean, I don’t 


THE COMMERCIAL DR TIM ME It. 


Si 

know what T mean. Maybe you don’t want to talk, and one place 
is just as good to you as another. Excuse me, I didn’t mean just 
that! I meant, I mean, are you fond of crab apples, INIiss Miller? 

Verda. Surely you are not trying to make love to me, Mr. 
Booth ? if so, arise; it will do you no good. 

Booth. ( rising ) Stuck again ! 

Enter , John and Olie, l. 

* 

John. No>v is your chance ! one shot and you are a rich man ! 

(Olie shoots Booth, who falls 

Verda. ( screams ) Help, help! Murder! John Dudley, you 
have added another murder to your list of crimes! 

(John chloroforms Verda 

John. I had to chloroform her; she would have spoiled my game. 

Olie. I will take the fellow and put him in the river, and the fish 
will have a good meal. 

John. Do so at once! I will take care of her. 

{exit John, l., carrying Verda—Booth rises 

Olie. He is bluffed; our scheme worked well. Hurry up, there 
is no time to lose. {exeunt R. 

Enter , Asutor, l. — business of opening bottles. 

Ashtor. All the bottles are empty; got to do something now! 

{specialty business—exit r. 

Enter , John and Olie, l. 

John. The game is closed. I am now a rich man. 

Olie. Do L get the money? I want to go back to Oklahoma. 

john. I will settle with you to-morrow. {exit Olie r. 

John. Everything is now mine! I have sinned fora good cause, 
I must have a little sleep, for 1 am tired. {lies on lounge — sleeps 

Enter , Richard, r. 

Rich. So the old man’s asleep, is he? How well he has worked 
his schemes! The old villain knew all the while that the real Rich¬ 
ard was dead and gone long ago. I must take a little rest myself, 

(exit Richard, l. 

Enter , Frank r., as ghost. 

John, {starting up) It is not a dream. Take him away! take 
him away! Yes. 1 killed him for money—for gold! My God, leave 
me. leave me in peace ! 

Frank. Your race is run. You have murder on your soul; tw r o 
lave you assassinated. John Dudley, I will meet you there! 

{pointing down 

John. Lost! lost! I am haunted! (falls back — dead 

Enter , Olie, r. —examines John. 

Olie. He is dead; it saves the hangman a dirty job 

Enter , Ricijakd, l. 

Rich. A ghost! (Frank throws sheet of) No, as T live—a man I 
What does this mean ? 


4 TEE COMMERCIAL DRUMMER . 

Olie. It means that you are my prisoner! < 

(puts handcuffs on him — Joe then takes his oicn wig off 
Rich. Joe King, the detective ! 

Enter, Verda, l. —sees Frank —throws arms around his neck, 

Frank. Verda! 

Verda. Frank! 

Enter, Zadie, r. 

Zadie. At last I am avenged ! 

Frank. And the “Commercial Drummer” need sell corn plasters 
no more I 


CURTAIN.* 

THE END 



M 




SYNOPSIS. 

ACT I. Home of the late Richard Marlow*. Interview between 
Frank Ross and Lawyer Dudley. The pious deacon and Verda 
Miller. Reading the will. Joe’s dog collar. Richard Marlow, the 
false heir. The child of the Dark Continent in trouble. Three 
villains. “Ten thousand to silence my tongue!” Zadie, the de¬ 
serted wife of John Dudley. An attempted murder. Joe’s little 
“barker” interferes. Deacon and Joe. Frank and Verda; his 
resolve to become a “Commercial Drummer.” Zadie gives Verda a 
home. Mr. Dudley’s proposal to Verda, and the misunderstanding. 
Murder of Deacon Foote, and Frank accused. The struggle, “life 
or death!” 

ACT IT. Zadie, Verda, and the tramp. “Painted benches.” 
“My kingdom for some soup!” Rooth and Zadie. Attempted 
murder of Zadie; Ashtor, the tramp interferes, and makes Dudley 
hand over a “William.” Rooth and the Indian. Too much beer. 
The stolen will. Joe in the barrel. Target shooting. Verda’s 
refusal to marry Dudle}*. Abduction of Verda, and Joe knocked 
down. 

ACT III. Ashtor and Rooth. Corn plasters; “There’s millions 
in them!” Olie, the Swede. Zadie, the Census taker. Two 
“bummers!” Rescue of Verda by Zadie. Frank discovered by 
Richard, as Rooth. “He must die!” A job for Olie. “In the 
soup!” Ilot and cold boxes. Olie and Rooth to the rescue of 
Zadie. Explanations. A new version of McGinty. A love scene. 
Capture of Verda. Supposed death of Rooth. Fright and death of 
Dudley. Capture of Richard. Frank and Verda secure the fortune 
at last. Zadie avenged and the “Commercial Drummer” sells corn 
plasters no more. 




C □ n tinned. 


iimes’ Plays— 


VO. 


U 

F 

FARCES AND COMEDIETTAS. 


129 

Aar-u-ag-oos. 

2 

1 

132 

Actor and Servant. 

1 

1 

12 

A Capital Match. 

3 

2 

166 

ATexan Mother-in-Law.. 

4 

6 

30 

A Day Well Spent. 

7 

5 

169 

A Regular Fix. 

2 

4 

80 

Alarmingly Suspicious. 

4 

3 

73 

An Awful Criminal... 

3 

3 

65 

An Unwelcome Return. 

3 

1 

31 

A Pet of the Public. 

4 

2 

21 

A Romant.c Attachment. 

3 

3 

123 

A Thrilling Item. 

3 

1 

20 

A Ticket of Leave.. 

3 

2 

175 

Betsey Baker. 

2 

2 

8 

Better Half. 

5 

2 

86 

Black vs. White. 

4 

2 

22 

Captain Smith.- 

3 

3 

84 

Cheek Will Win. 

3 

0 

225 

Cupids Capers. 

4 

4 

49 

Der Two Surprises... 

1 

1 

72 

Deuce is in Him. 

5 

1 

19 

Did Dream it. 

4 

3 

42 

Domesiic Felicity... 

1 

1 

188 

Dutch Prize Fighter. 

u 

o 

0 

220 

Dutchyvs. Nigger. 

3 

0 

148 

Eh? Wi at Did You Say. 

3 

1 

218 

Everybody Astonished. 

4 

0 

224 

Fooling with the Wrong Man 2 

1 

233 

Freezing a Mother-in-Law... 

2 

1 

154 

Fun in a Post Office. 

4 

2 

184 

Family Discipline. 

0 

1 

274 

Family Jars. 

5 

2 

209 

Goose with the Golden Eggs.. 

5 

3 

13 

Give Me Mv Wife. 

3 

3 

66 

Han?, the Dutch J. P. 

3 

1 

271 

Hans Brummel’s Cafe. 

5 

0 

116 

Hash. 

4 

2 

120 

II. M. S. Plum. 

I 

1 

103 

How Sister Paxey got her 
Child Baptiz d. 

2 

1 

50 

How She has Own Way.. 

1 

3 

140 

How He Popped the Quest’n. 

1 

1 

74 

How to Tame M-in-Law. 

4 

2 

35 

How Stout Your Getting.. 

5 

2 

47 

In the Wrong Box... 

3 

0 

95 

In the Wrong Clothes. 

5 

3 

11 

John Smith. 

5 

3 

99 

Jumbo Jum.- 

4 

3 

82 

Killing Time. 

1 

1 

182 

Kittie’s Wedding Cake...—..— 

1 

3 

127 

Lick Skillet Wedding.—.. 

2 

2 

228 

Lauderbach’s Little Surprise 3 

0 

106 

Lodgings for Two..*,.~ 

3 

0 

139 

Matrimonial Bliss. 

1 

1 

231 

Match for a Mother-in-Law.. 

2 

2 

235 

More Blunders thaji one. 

4 

3 

69 

Mother’s Fool.— 

6 

1 

158 

Mr. Hudson’s Tiger Hunt...- 

1 

1 

23 

My Heart’s in Highlands. 

4 

3 

208 

M y Precious Betsey. 

4 

4 

212 

My Turn Next.. 

4 

3 

32 

My Wife’s Relations. 

4 

4 


Si 


NO. 

■ 

r. 

186 

My Day and Now-a-Days. 

0 

1 

273 

My Neighbor’s Wife. 

3 

3 

44 

Obedience.— 

1 

2 

244 

Old Clothes.. 

3 

0 

33 

On the Sly... 

3 

2 

246 

Othello. 

4 

1 

57 

Paddy Miles' Boy... 

5 

2 

217 

Patent Washing Machine. 

4 

1 

165 

Persecuted Dutchman. 

6 

3 

195 

Poor Pilicody. 

2 

3 

258 

Prof.Bones’LatestInvention 5 

0 

159 

Quiet Family. 

4 

4 

171 

Rough Diamond.. 

4 

3 

180 

Ripples.. 

2 

0 

267 

Room 44. 

2 

0 

48 

Schraps. 

1 

1 

138 

Sewing Circle of Period.- 

0 

5 

115 

S. H. A. M. Pinafore. 

3 

3 

55 

Somebody’s Nobody. 

3 

2 

243 

Sports on a Lark... 

3 

0 

232 

Stage Struck Yankee. 

4 

2 

238 

Strawberry Shortcake...... 

2 

0 

270 

Slick and Skinner. 

5 

0 

1 

Slasher and Crasher. 

5 

2 

137 

Taking the Census. 

1 

1 

40 

That Mysterious B’dle. 

2 

2 

245 

Ticket Taker. 

3 

0 

38 

The Bewitched Closet..—. 

5 

2 

131 

The Cigarette. 

4 

2 

101 

The Coming Man.-.— 

3 

1 

167 

Turn Him Out... 

3 

2 

68 

The Sham Professor.-.— 

4 

0 

54 

The Two T. J’s. 

4 

2 

253 

'Ihe Best Cure. 

4 

I 

28 

Thirty-three Next Birthday.. 

4 

2 

142 

Tit for Tat. 

2 

1 

276 

The Printer and His Devils.. 

3 

1 

263 

Trials of a Country Editor.... 

6 

2 

7 

The Wonderful Telephone.... 

3 

1 

269 

Unjust Justice... 

6 

2 

213 

Vermont Wool Dealer. 

5 

3 

151 

Wanted a Husband. 

2 

1 

56 

Wooing Under Difficulties-... 

5 

3 

70 

Which will he Marry. 

2 

8 

135 

Widower’s Trials. 

4 

5 

147 

Waking Him Up... 

1 

2 

155 

Why they Joined the Re- 




beccas... 

0 

4 

111 

Yankee Duelist. 

3 

1 

157 

Yankee Peddler. 

7 

3 


ETHIOPIAN FARCES. 



204 

Academy of Stars.. 

6 

0 

15 

An Unhappy Pair.- 

1 

1 

172 

Black Shoemaker. 

4 

2 

98 

Black Statue. 

4 

2 

222 

Colored Senators. 

3 

0 

214 

Chop^ 

3 

0 

145 

Cuff’s Luck.— 

2 

1 

190 

Crimps Trip.- 

5 

0 

249 

Double Election. 

9 

1 

27 

Fetter Lane to Gravesend..— 

2 

0 

230 

Hamlet the Dainty. 

6 

1 

153 

Haunted House.- 

2 

0 


rfi 















































































































LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 


¥ 



-r-r- -|—| |—| 0 017 400 246 0 # 

id-niBs’ Julays--- uantinuBi 


jro. *- f- 

ETHIOPIA* FARCES—COXT'VED. 


24 
235 
247 

11 
S5 
23c 
12S 
259 
96 
61 
234 
150 
ICS 
1-34 
1~ 
96 
1*17 
: 

ire 

34 

25 

O': 

241 

10 

64 

253 

123 


Handy Andy—————- 

Hypochondriac The- 

I acornnubility or iemper. 

Joc's Vis t~ _.. 

Misehieroo* Nijger- 

Midnight Colic- 

Musical Darsey-- 

Nobody-"* Moke_—- 

No Cure No Pay—. 

No: as Deaf a* He Seesi*._. 
Oi*i Dai”* Cabin. 


9 

m 

1 
2 

4 

o 
9 

5 

3 
3 

9 

7.TIZ-T I 


OldPompey- 

Other People'* Children- 

Pomp's Pranks..— 

Quarrelsome Scrran:*- 

Booms to Let-——-— — 

School-~— 

Seeing Bo* ting—- 

Sham Doctor™. 

1 SJM) Tear* Ago. 


1 

9 

1 

0 

2 
1 
Q 

l 

■a 

1 

3 2 


S 

i 


3 0 
3 o 


Sport with a Sportsman™__ 

Stage Struck Darkey_ 

Struck by Lightning_ 

Stock* Up, Stock* Down._ 

That Boy 5am__ 

That Awful Carpet Bag_ 

The Sal act School-_ 


3 

9 

« 

Q 

' 

a 

£% 

o 

3 

5 


so. 

Ii5 

6 

lc 

4 

197 

195 

XT’) 

215 

3>5 

210 

143 

2L6 

156 


The Popcorn Man. 

The Studio_ 

Those Awful Boys.. 

Twain’s Doigiug_ 

Trick*_ 





Uncle Jei£__ 

U. S. Msil..._ 

Vice Versa..—_ _ 

Milkens and Dinah.. 4 

Virginia Mummy_$ 

Wh o ntole tUe Chickens_ 1 

William Tell- 4 

Wig-Maker and H.s Servants 3 

GUIDE BOOKS. 


17 Hints on Elocution.. 

I-A> Hints to Amateurs___ 

CANTATA. 

215 Oa to Victory_—... 

TABLEAUX. 

250 Tastirai of Days... 

PANTOMIME. 

260 Cousin John’s Album__ 




4 6 



5>-te-=— 


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PEE PAE E D WOOL IS A X AETICL E TEA T EVERY 0 XE 
WITHOUT ANY EXPEEIEXCE. (?iV 
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PRICE 50 CENTS PER OUNCE. 

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CLYDE , OHIO 


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